He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
