Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
