Your dad touched me again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
