I just pynch a tree in the face
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
