I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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