this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
