I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
