K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
