When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
