Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
