I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
