I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
