I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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