so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
