Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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