Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
from now on my penis is your penis
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
