bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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