do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
