i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
