i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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