why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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