she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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