Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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