How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
