Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
