I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You pole danced in your parka.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
