I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
