...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My penis needs a shock collar
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
