the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
