What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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