i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
