we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
