I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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