he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
