.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
