You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
