The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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