the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
