She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
