I CAN MOONWALK!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
