In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
