She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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