So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
