i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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