the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
