Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
