I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
