But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You took a bar mat shot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
