i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
