i may or may not be watching the land before time
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
