Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
