He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
