accomplished twins. life is a go
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
